The Apology

Have you ever caught yourself in the act of saying something, and wondered why the hell you were saying it? It's a frightening feeling. It's too late, and you know it, the words have been spilled into life, and you will be judged. I've found myself in this position before, albeit rarely. I've definitely said some controversial things before, but I've always meant to say them. Either for a little shock value in a comedic story, or because I just plain believe it. 

But once in a while, you're in that position of spectator to your own life. Watching as you spew these words you don't really mean, and never meant to say. Now, the only thing left for you is damage control. You assess what you've done, and think about how to start cleaning up the mess. It's a bit like BP after the oil spill, but I'm no Tony Hayward. I know the impact of the disaster I just caused is not "likely to have been very, very modest." When you hurt someone's feelings, they remember that forever. Sure you can be forgiven, but that feeling is not "forgettable." Because to hurt someone's feelings means the care about you, and your opinion in the first place, and nobody wants to be let down by someone they love. 

An apology is always in order, but to inundate the wronged with them is inappropriate and awkward. I think a solemn and honest apology, untainted by any form of excuse, is usually the best approach. And unless you need to pickup the pieces up of something you broke, it's probably best to excuse yourself from their presence. That is unless you're asked to stay. But if they want to pick a fight, go with the literal excusal of yourself.

I sometimes have a knack for making a situation worse. I think it's fair to say that usually I can make it better, at least that's what anyone hopes of themselves, no? But there are times that I've dug my hole a little deeper because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I don't mean to, my intentions are pure, but that does not translate to my behavior. That's always a real bummer. But hey, it happens. And I'm pretty sure it'll happen again. Not sure when, but I hope not soon. And I'm aware that this was a very generalized and nondescript way of conveying my feeling on something. There's not an example or even reference to incident in any of this. I know that. It's more my "philosophy" on the subject (think "Vinnie" in My Blue Heaven ). But it's also a round about way of saying "I'm sorry."