Wednesday, March 28, 2012

SOD: Mick Taylor "Broken Hands"

When Mick Taylor left the Rolling Stones because Keith Richards just couldn't accept the fact that Mick was a better guitarist than him, the world had high hopes for him. He was supposed to become what Eric Clapton became. A lucrative solo career seemed inevitable for the blues maestro, but he fell short of the expectations. His quiet and humble nature may have had something to do with that. God forbid an artist is just about the music and doesn't have a larger than life persona to overshadow it.

Does this make him any less amazing of a musician? Give a listen and decide for yourself. I think you know where I stand.

MICK TAYLOR BROKEN HANDS

Five Guys vs. In-N-Out

This debate has been going on for a while. I've had both burgers more than a handful of times, and being that I'm in L.A. this week, I decided to hit up In-N-Out. I mean, how could I come to L.A. and not?

It all started because Kim, Venice, Johnny, and myself, were all going to a friends place for dinner. But it was one of those early-side dinners when you don't know if you should have lunch, or if the dinner is early enough to cover both. In the process of deciding the fat kid in me said, "well what if we just grabbed a single burger from In N Out?," to which Kim replied, "Oh, I've never had that." Well that settled it. Time to de-virginize Kimbo. And in the back of my mind I was saying to myself, "well why not see one more time what the New York fast food scene is missing?"



Here's the thing. People have been comparing these two burgers and chains for a while now. But to me, I don't think it matters which burger you think is better. In addition to it being purely a matter of taste, there is one major factor that makes these two burgers incomparable. Price! Five Guys is nearly 3x more. This fact alone should make comparisons moot for the most part. You wouldn't compare a Prius to a Porsche in a head to head competition, would you? And granted, we're not talking about thousands of dollars difference here, but in the grand scheme of things, there has to be a difference between a $2 and a $6 burger. 

So obviously, I have a quipe with comparing these burgers at all, but if you must know which I prefer, then overall I'd have to say the Five Guys burger wins. A brief explanation why:

The In N Out burger is a nicely packaged deal. Though the facilities themselves leave much to be desired (but what fast food joint doesn't), the speedy and usually friendly service helps get you "in 'n out" nice and quickly. After all, we're not there for the conversation. The uncomfortably perfect shaped patty, fits flawlessly between the two halves of a generic yet fresh bun. The lettuce and tomato, also quite fresh, are a nice addition and complement the cheeseburger quite well. The beef itself is not the best, but at the same time, it's leagues above that of a Big Mac or Whopper. There's defnite flavor there, and it's been my experience that they even attempt to cook the burger to a nice medium temperature, as there's always a little pink, no matter how faint. I'll also tell you, the fries are quite delicious.

So yea, the In N Out burger ain't too shabby. And for $2 - $3, you can't really beat it. But the Five Guys burger is on a different level altogether in my opinion. Now, I'm no foodie, but I believe the Five Guys burger comes from a very quality proprietary blend. Watching them make the patties and then proceed to cook them all before my very eyes, goes a long way with me. Something about monitoring the full life of my burger, just makes it taste better. It's not neat and cornered like the In N Out burger, its messy and real, and in the world of burgers that's a beautiful thing. Quite simply, it looks homemade.

There's also a plethora of toppings to choose from at Five Guys, like onions (both sauteed and raw), bacon, and mushrooms, and the fluffy, sesame coated buns more than hold your cow and fixings. The establishment itself doesn't feel as "fast-food," and nor does the clientele. And the place serves you free peanuts that you can crack and toss on the floor while you wait. I know that does nothing for our friend Johnny, but selfishly, I must say I rather enjoy it.

I know this doesn't get us any closer to the answer, or a winner, but I'm not convinced that there really is one. They both fill a certain niche in the burger world, and I don't think they need to compete. Can't they just exist in this giant world of beef together, without fear of being judged or compared?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

SOD: Ray Charles "Busted"

Ray Charles has so many of these kinds of tunes. They're recognizable, enjoyable, never too lengthy. They get in, they get you moving, and we're on to the next one. Would it surprise you to know he didn't write this one though?

I hadn't heard Busted in probably years, until my buddy (and Music Guru) Matt, sent me a John Scofield instrumental rendition of this tune (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pVQyt0bCzo). Scofield really does the song justice, and his guitar work is some of the best I've heard. After all, he is the mentor of Eric Krasno (of Lettuce and Soulive fame), and you can't have been any teacher off the street to train that guy.

But even though the song wasn't originally done by Ray, in my opinion his version is the truth. It's got that life to it, that only Ray could give. It's in his voice, it's in his presence, and it's in his style of play. And nobody else has it like he does.

Ray Charles - Busted

You're The Inspiration...

Inspiration is a funny thing. It comes in many different forms, from many different places. It can come unsuspectingly out of nowhere, or you can deliberately set out looking to be inspired. However you get it, one thing is for sure; we need it.

It's not just musicians and artist that need inspiration either. Everyone needs it. We need inspiration to get up in the morning, and be the best we can be at whatever we do. Sometimes your family or spouse inspires you. Sometimes you can inspire yourself. Whatever the case, inspiration is the great motivator, and will always create the best product, and the best results.

You can always tell the difference between a person who is inspired, and one who isn't. It's about having a purpose, and putting your heart into it. When it comes to writing it's no different. I feel I can often tell when a writer (or reporter) has an invested stake in a story, and when he's just "mailing it in." An inspired is writer is a dangerous thing. He can change your mind about things when you've already made it up. He can make you sympathize with other sides of the story, and question preconceived molds. Most importantly though, an inspired story, can inspire you.

The reason I mention this is because I've noticed how generic and UN-inspired content has become these days. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that there is so much more content out there, and reporters are pressured to over-cover stories. They beat these stories into the ground within the first few hours and even days of them breaking, and then drop them cold, moving onto the "next big thing." This is all uninspired work. Reporters are just trying to stay ahead of the next guy, ahead of the curve. A story breaks, and news agencies are all over it, covering every angle 24-7. They do interviews with every person the subject has ever come into contact with, they stake out their houses, and report incessantly. And as quick as they came, they're gone, when it's decided something better has come along.

Now I understand that reporters aren't going to be personally invested in every story they have to report on. That's the nature of any job, you're not going to connect with all of it. But there has to be something better than this pump-and-dump method that seems to permeate every paper, news agency, and story out there. From Bernie Madoff, to Sully landing in the Hudson River. Reporters certainly try to feed into our emotions, and make a buck off them, but when you read these papers and magazines every day, you see how formulaic they really are.

I read a paper just about every weekday. I enjoy the Science Times on Tuesday, and often read the Post or Newsday as filler during my train rides or lunch (when I have one). Each day, the stories are written in the same manner, with the same progression of who, what, when, where, why, how, neatly fitting into the same half page worth of writing. For some people, it's enough. They get the base information they need, and move on. But to me, it's crap. I get nothing out of it. I need some critical thinking, some insight into the players. But you just don't get that from the news anymore. I find that the best articles, stories, and writing, comes from monthly papers/magazines, where the stories are studied in depth for long periods of time, and the writers really take the time to craft the best story possible.

The National Geographic Magazine is a great example of this. I like to believe that the authors are really invested in these stories. That they chose them on their own accord, they weren't assigned them by a desk, blindly. And I'm sure everyone has a magazine or website that they enjoy more than others. That speaks to them, and inspires them with their stories and writing. And that's what it's all about. Why can't we take this model, and apply it to our daily news? I'm not saying that Newsday should come out once a month, but isn't there a way to balance it? Trim the fat? Lessen the amount of stories, but focus wholeheartedly on the ones that you do report. Do they all have to be rushed pieces of droll trash, forced through the printer to make a hard deadline of the next day?

I don't know the answer, but I have to wonder if there's not a better way to write a more inspired story.

Monday, March 26, 2012

SOD: The Shins "Turn On Me"

Trying to keep up with posts while I'm away, but hey...I'm in California baby! Everything moves a little slower out here.

I woke up to this song today, and it got me feeling good. Hopefully it will do the same for you.

Also, James Mercer has finally revitalized The Shins, as it's been five years since their last album. Yes, Mercer created the group Broken Bells with Danger Mouse and released a successful album, but The Shins was what put him on the map. And their finally back with a new album. I've yet to listen to it, but you can bet your ass I will be listening as soon as I get the chance. Here's a great article/interview concerning Mercer's more recent endeavors since the last Shins album:

http://www.avclub.com/articles/james-mercer-of-the-shins,71391/

The Shins - Turn on Me (OFFICIAL VIDEO)

Friday, March 23, 2012

SOD: Marlena Shaw "California Soul"

This New York native has one of the most distinguishable voices and sounds in music. I know Garvey will appreciate this one. I think a lot of why I'm able to recognize her after originally having been turned onto her by the aforementioned G-funk, is because of how much she's been sampled (in addition to having her music used in films and television as is).

I first probably heard this song sampled by Gang Starr for the track "Check the Technique." DJ Shadow also used it, but Gang Starr's is better. Diplo did a straight remix that is very danceable. Ghostface Killah has sampled her ("Woman of the Ghetto"), as well as 9th Wonder and Buckshot (props to Garvey on that).

But sampled or not, this song alone is definitely worth mentioning. The arrangement is large, and fills out the piece really nicely. Though it may be typical of it's time, the arrangement obviously does not make or break this piece. Its her standout voice alone that carries this tune. And I also think this is a great song for anyone who's thinking of moving their love and life from east to west. Just listen to it on repeat and eventually, it's going to hit you. Next thing you know, you may just find yourself out Californi-way.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Marlena Shaw "California Soul" (1969)

Veni "Che" Guevara

Yes, we're finally doing it. After two years of talking about it, procrastinating, scheduling and rescheduling, and ultimately just flat out forcing ourselves to commit, Kim and I are flying out to California tonight, to visit Venice in Santa Barbara. Johnny Vla will be joining us as well, so you know that flight is gonna be nutty.

The last time I was in California, was a little under two years ago, when Venice and I took 20 days to drive cross country. Once we got to Cali, Venice remained to attend school to get her doctorate in psychology, and I returned to my beloved Atlantic. 

The trip was life changing. Venice and I have always been as close as siblings can be, and we've shared the same groups of friends since we graduated High School, but that trip brought us ever more the closer. It's not something that words can do justice for. It was an experience that we shared fully together. It was a cornucopia of explorations, adventures, people and emotions. 

The true beauty was in the little moments. Like critiquing rest stops across middle America, or bellowing out Rolling Stones tunes first thing in the morning. One thing that we were absolutely tickled by, was the varying accents we encountered as we made our way across the country via Interstate 80 and 90 (among others). Minnesota alone had enough to supply the whole country!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Then, over in South Dakota, we saw the remnants of the Sturgis Motocycle rally from the week before, en route to Deadwood. Deadwood was a trip man. First, we saw a reenactment of the old-west gun fight that took Wild Bill Hitchcoc's life. Cheesy? yes. Fun? Absolutely. Then we met "Rooster," an old recording artist in Deadwood, South Dakota, when we were looking for some live music. We wound up hanging out with him one on one all night, and he played us a pretty much private show. One of the first tracks he played on in the studio was for none other than Steve Earle (who everyone knows is a personal idol of mine). Even recounting some of the many tales now doesn't do them justice. It's quite simply my hope that we get some good stories this time around as well, and can all just enjoy each other's company.

Fortunately enough for Venice and I, we get along with each other's significant other. This goes a LONG way, let me tell you. And if I have my way, the four of us will continue to travel places together, because we share common interests, and seem to move at the same pace in life. Not to be totally cheesy, but I think we've had a nice dynamic so far, and some really interesting (and at times hilarious) experiences. I anticipate that this trip will be no different. For example, it's only Johnny's second time on an airplane. The security line promises to be a scene ("do I have to take my pants off to walk through this thing?!"), and the personal touch screens with Virgin America will surely spoil him right out the gate!

So, the journey begins, and I will be sure to document it. I can't wait to see the little communist ("Veni-che"), as living on the opposite coast from her can wear on me at times. Its shaping up to be an epic trip, so finger crossed, we'll take the West by storm again. Much love to you all.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Thursday, March 22, 2012

SOD: Pearl Jam "State Of Love And Trust"

Pearl Jam is one of my Top 3 all time favorite bands. I'll never pass up an opportunity to see them live, and I'll never skip them when they come on the ol' Ipod. I've grown to love every song of theirs (except for "Last Kiss", which Ironically is one of their biggest hits), as is what usually happens when a band becomes more to you than just their music. The same thing happened to me with Led Zeppelin and Bob Dylan.

"State Of Love And Trust," is an amazing song about the internal battle that often ensues when you fall in love. It's scary, it's violent, it's beautiful, it's confusing. It's epic. And this songs lyrics and music complement each other so well, that for a long time it was my absolute favorite track of theirs.

The story of Pearl Jam is far too long to get into now on a simple SOD post, but if you want to see an all around amazing documentary about one of the most amazing rock bands in the world, check out Pearl Jam Twenty (2011), directed by none other than the great Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous, Jerry Maguire). Even as die-hard of a fan as I am, I learned quite a bit from this film that I had previously not known. It's definitely worth your time.

pearl jam- state of love and trust

A Year Of Songs


Way back when I worked for The Weinstein Company (formerly Miramax before Harvey and Bob left that name with Disney), I started a tradition with a couple of peers, which I have since carried over here. It was called SOD, or "Song Of the Day." Myself, Dave, and Kevin proclaimed ourselves kings of the airwaves, and on a daily basis duked it out for the right to be called "Jam-master." Each day, we'd pick a topic (i.e. "songs about women" or "songs with food in the title," or "songs with saxophone solos" etc.) and we'd rummage through our respective libraries for the best song we could find that would fit the criteria. By 4pm each afternoon, we'd email our choices to a select group of about 8 "Judges." These judges were other people within the company whom had varying ideologies and musical tastes. Each would pick the song they liked best, and we'd keep a running tally day by day, week by week, and month by month of who won the most votes. This went on for a couple years. It was a glorious time when music was being shared constantly, and the 3 of us had attained a musical god-like status by default, because we were opening up peoples eyes and ears to new music. Everyone was hearing music they had never heard of before, and horizons were expanding endlessly on the musical front. It was a  proverbial renaissance. Music was flourishing. 

But as with all great things, it eventually came to an end, and no matter how hard we tried, we could not reignite the old flame that once was. It was nobody's fault really. I left TWC to begin my career at IFC Films, Dave began working on his own projects and eventually moved to Colorado to pursue a new career, and Kevin (last name Schneider)...well Kevin (aka Schneeblepuss) kept doing whatever it is a Schnobgoblin does (nicknames were also a big "thing" with us). And though this reincarnation of SOD  isn't much like the original at all, it's spirit still resides in the realm of musical knowledge and categorical framework. It is in this vein that I was thinking of bringing categories back into play.

So without further ado, I give you a years worth of songs, month by month, within the title. A brief note: This was a hell of a lot harder than I anticipated. There just aren't that many great songs, with month's in their titles.


JANUARY - David Gray "January Rain" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bilXFudh_is

The beginning of the year, and here in NYC it usually means its "cooler than a polar bears toenails" (see Outkast "ATLiens). Granted there are a few decent songs with "January" in the title like "January Wedding" (The Avett Brothers), "January" (Elton John), and "January Hymn" (The Decemberists), but believe you me, there are a lot of bad ones too (The first that comes to mind is "January Friend" by the Goo Goo Dolls - and don't ask why I've heard that song, I'm quite ashamed to admit it).  On the whole, it's a pretty sparse month in the world of song titles.

Now I'm not really a David Gray fan, but this instrumental has a very soothing quality to it, and I do rather enjoy it when the mood is right. It emits a state of calm and natrual tranquility. I guess I'm just a sucker for that kind of thing. 
  

FEBRUARY - George Winston "February Sea" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eI6-L38EPo

Another winter month, and it too is somewhat sparse. I think if the choice were left up to the Mad Mulcahy, he'd go with "February Stars" (Foo Fighters). I'm sure I'll hear it from him if I'm wrong. That song is off The Colour and Shape(1997) album, which I definitely owned back in my early teen years when Dave Grohl was immensely popular. "Everlong" was a definite favorite of mine off that album. Lou Reed's "Xmas in February" was an interesting song, done in that spoken word style Reed was a fan of. The lyrics to that one were quite dark and at times heavy handed, being based around Vietnam, but it was a solid jam for sure. Again the Goo Goo Dolls ruined this month in music with the extraordinarily cheesy and contrived "Two Days in February" (I can feel my credibility slipping simply for having known that.).

However, I decided to go with another instrumental by a contemporary, classical pianist who's music I grew up on. My mother, Bundell Williams (she goes by her street name these days), was an AVID listener of George Winston and thus, I've heard an incredible amount of his stuff. I've seen him play live a handful of times as well (he plays sans shoes), and he has a very distinct style that I've come to very much enjoy. Most of his songs follow the same pattern and progression from beginning to end, but they build in intensity. It's pretty amazing to me how repetitive yet un-tedious his songs can be. I remember listening to him most during college, while trying to get through the drudgery that is psychology textbooks. Hope you enjoy as much as Bundell and I do.


MARCH - Iron Maiden "The Ides Of March" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CN1_mSYIXg

Well finally we've emerged from the winter, and into the spring. And what better way to do that than with some Iron Maiden. Granted it's a short instrumental (What's up with the instrumentals? I don't know!), but it hits hard. And its fuckin' raw, and just plain old fun to get nuts to. Plus, "Winds of March" (Journey) is just a little too much fluff. That's never gonna make my cut no matter how few the choices are.


APRIL - Sublime "April 29, 1992 (Miami)" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gh5ogOH82Aw

Well there's no lack of titles for this one. Right off the bat I thought of "April in Paris" which has been done by everyone from Frank Sinatra, to Billie Holliday, to Charlie Parker. But my favorite version is unquestionably done by Thelonius Monk (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5REnEdYpWM&feature=fvsr&noredirect=1 ). Of course there's the ballad "April" by Deep Purple and for those of you Simon & G-funkle fans, "April She Will Come," was definitely a nice easy listening song of theirs.

For me though, Sublime's "April 29, 1992 (Miami)" would have to be the choice. It's not that it was an overly awe-inspiring song about the Los Angeles Riots and Rodney King beating. I actually didn't much care about either of those things when it came out. But I definitely have a lot of fond memories of partying to this song. And music is always linked to memories for me, so Sublime pretty much won by default. 


MAY - Rod Stewart "Maggie May" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F01aLeErvoU

This is a tough one. Many songs have "May" in the title, but not used in the context of the month. So I was left with a dilemma. Do I leave the category wide open, with all instances of the word being acceptable? Or do I really box it in and make it strictly month related. The Bee Gee's had "First Of May," but I truly hate that song. Blue Oyster Cult had "Then Came the Last Days of May," which is actually a pretty decent tune, but just doesn't do it for me. So I compromised and justified it in my mind. "Maggie May" is a great Rod Stewart tune, and one of his first (if not first?) hits. And maybe the "May" that follows Maggie is a reference to spring and love etc. Maybe it's not. Nonetheless, I'm sticking by my choice because this tune is a real piece of work. Just like Rod.


JUNE - Mudcrutch "June Apple" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65dsQmx-HIU  (live)

Well there's always "June In January" by Dean Martin? Granny undoubtedly used to listen to that one. And Dean Martin was definitely a cool cat, but that song is just not going to make this list. Another one that won't make the list is "June Is Busting Out All Over." Horrible title for a song. You show-tune freaks are just gonna have to keep waiting to get your due. I'm pretty confident again, that the Mad Mulcahy would have chosen "Seven Days in Sunny June"(Jamiroquai), and I do like Jamiroquai, but just not that particular song. So that didn't leave me with much to work with, but I think this choice is solid enough to fit. Mudcrutch is best known as Tom Petty's project before Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, and they have a few solid tunes. In 2008 they got back together for a tour, and recorded a live album too, which was pretty cool. I'll admit, this one isn't exactly the pinnacle of their work, but it's fun and light, and I just may listen to it with beer in hand, come June this year. Johnny Vla, get that banjo ready. 


JULY - Gordon Lightfoot "Black Day In July" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPXL3iEVnCM    AND  Bruce Springsteen "4th of July Asbury Park (Sandy)" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flwAMQax57Q&feature=fvst

Oh Gordon Lightfoot. Probably best known for "If You Could Read My Mind" and "Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," but his works do go beyond that. My personal favorite is "Steel Rail Blues" off of his first album, Lightfoot! (I don't know that he necessarily needed the exclamation point). However, "Black Day In July" is no slouch itself. I have always liked this song, and I think it covers a pertinent enough topic of the time (the Detroit Riots). 

But how could I not choose Springsteen for this month of my birth? This was the first tune that popped into my head for the month, and it just felt wrong not to use it. But then I listened to "Black Day In July" again, and damnit, I liked that one too. So I figured one tie in there wouldn't hurt...right?


AUGUST - Van Morrison "Cold Wind In August" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAxeGcGIV7A

Joan Baez sang a version of "The 33rd of August." But I strongly dislike it. And I don't particularly like David Alan Coe's version or Waylon Jennings.' So I think it's safe to say, that song will not be the "August" choice. Nor will "Stuck In The August Rain," by Jethro Tull. Don't even get me started on their later albums. So pretty much by default I went with Van Morrison. I mean, I love damn near everything this guy does, and this songs no exception. 


SEPTEMBER - Earth, Wind & Fire "September" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQf9dtrc26A

Yea, there were a few songs with September in the title, but this was a no-brainer.


OCTOBER - Broken Bells "October" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAyZRszhqa0

I don't much like Amy Winehouse's "October Song," though I really do respect most of what shes done. And the U2 instrumental "October," doesn't do it for me. The Broken Bells (James Mercer of THE SHINS and Danger Mouse) had a damn good eponymous debut. "The High Road" and "The Ghost Inside," were both hits in my book. And their song "October," is nicely crafted. It's not quite comparable to anything directly, but you can feel a lot of different styles incorporated in this track. I especially like the keys. 

A shout out to the most famous folk artist nobody knows, Jackson C. Frank. His song "October," almost took the prize, but I figured I was pushing it with 3 folkish songs in 4 months. But seriously, Jackson C. Frank is NOT to be overlooked. One of my all time favorite songs is credited to him, though it's been covered by many ("Blues Run The Game"). This song may be the most sad, yet beautiful piece of music I've ever heard - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgY4GnLGsLQ


NOVEMBER - Guns N' Roses "November Rain" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0McfH-hweQ

Come on now. It'd be hard to choose anything else, though there's a slew of good runner-ups like Sandy Denny's "Late November" and Mad Season's "November Hotel." I even have a soft spot for "Gone Til' November" by Wyclef Jean. 


DECEMBER - Counting Crows "A Long December" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D5PtyrewSs&ob=av2e

When I was a kid, I must've listened to "December" by Collective Soul over a thousand times. "Don't scream about, don't think aloud. Turn your head now baby just spit me out."  And the Counting Crows had a pretty big hit with "A Long December," and I did always like that song, depressing as it could be. So that one takes the cake to round out the year. 


I think it's fair to assume that people will disagree with me in varying degrees. That's fine. If you think you have a better playlist under these constraints, feel free to let me know. Perhaps I will stand (or sit) corrected.                                                                                                                       

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

SOD: Steve Earle "Tennessee Blues"


I met Steve Earle once. He was sitting on the stoop outside his apartment, which happened to be next to the apartment building that a friend of mine lived in. I knew who he was instantly as I've loved his music for quite some time, and of course I saw him in his role as recovering drug addict "Walon," in the HBO series The Wire. I am no gawker, and if and when I meet "celebrities", I almost always keep my distance. But I couldn't this time. He's a lesser known figure in the industry than say, Bruce Springsteen, and so I somehow convinced myself that he'd actually like being approached by me. I subtly approached him with my head down. He saw me coming. When I was mere feet from him, I lifted my head and tried to pretend it was coincidence that I looked up at that exact moment. He smiled. 

"You're Steve Earle, aren't you?" 

"That'd be me," he said, head cockeyed, eyes blinking.

"Listen man, I dont ever do this, but I gotta tell you, you're an inspiration. You're music is the truth." There was a brief pause. He looked at me as if deciding whether I was full of shit or not, and then he said,

"Well have a seat man! Thanks a lot."

You never saw a guy go from standing to seated as fast as me that day. And the guy was gracious, he shot the shit with me for my 5 minutes of heaven. He's honest, he's likable, and he's direct. It was one of the standout moments of my life to meet a guy like that, who I had so much respect for. And to leave the conversation with more respect for him, is amazing. Usually you build your heroes up in your mind to be greater than they can ever be in life. But not Steve. 

Quite simply, Steve Earle is the man. He's true to the music. This is a guy who plays because he loves to play, and nothing more. Yes he's got bills to pay like any other guy, and no, he is not the kind of act that can sell out Madison Square Garden. And thank god for that. His music has an incredible reality sewn into it. What you see, is what you get. What you hear, is exactly what you see. Watching this guy live, is like watching the beginning of something. His performances usually start out with him and his guitar (or mandolin, or bouzoukis). Combined with his country twanged voice, he gives a soulful, from-the-dirt performance. The epitome of a folk man and his poetry. And his lyrics are truly something to behold. They're just the right amount of metaphor, description, and plain-speak. Later on in his show, he may invite some people up like his wife, singer-songwriter Allison Moorer, or even his son from his first marriage who also releases music, Justin Townes Earle (middle name given after the amazing Townes Van Zandt). But for me, the man and his guitar is always more than enough.

Earlier on, Steve Earle was much more steeped in the rock n' roll and country scenes. He hasn't stopped playing that altogether, but he's certainly gotten softer as time has went on. He was nominated this year for Best Folk Album, and during a performance I saw him give just before the grammy's, he said something to the degree of, "they got it right this time." This was a reference to him being nominated as a folk artist, as I believe that's how he see's himself these days. And even though he released his first studio album in his 30's (Guitar Town), he's been releasing rather consistently ever since. He has quite a repertoire now. Copperhead Road has become a classic (Both the album and song), but its the quiet, melodic folk tunes that always get me. The man has a oneway street to my heart. He's an idol to me, and I am very thankful I was able to sit with him that one fine day. 

This song, Tennessee Blues, is one of the most sad and beautiful songs I've ever heard. 

Steve Earle - Tennessee Blues

THE DANCE

Office meetings are an odd kind of social interaction. It is required that one be personable, yet still conduct oneself in a business-like manner. It's not as conversationally casual as a business dinner, but it's also not all lectures and presentations these days. The etiquette has changed, and the game is much more complicated.

The minutes before the meeting begins are crucial. They may be more important than the entire meeting itself. These 3-5 minutes when everyone is milling around in the stuffy conference room, waiting for the assumed leader to grab the reins and get things started, may decide your future within the company. It's at this time that you must choose your conversations wisely. If people see you futzing around with interns, you will be written off and it will be known that you are not an integral part of the team, and thus, are worthless. But if you're seen chatting up say, an SVP or higher, well people will assume that you have connections and are important. It's a strategy that many practice, but few ever master.

First, you must dress for the meeting. This means wearing nicer attire than you wear on any given work day. You want to stand out, but only in good ways. You never want to be the first one to attend the meeting. This shows overeagerness, and is a complete turn-off to everyone, everywhere. But you certainly don't want to be the last either. Too much attention when everyone is settled in already is always negative. Plus, you will not have had the opportunity to engage in the pre-meeting conversations which as pointed out above, is extremely important. Shuffling in with the herd is not a bad thing in this case. In the preamble leading up to the meeting, one should seek out one's own boss or superior first. Engage in some light conversation, perhaps about activities of the night past, and always ask about them first, before recounting any personal tales. Take no more than a minute if possible, and end the conversation as neatly and naturally as possible. Now the point of this conversation was not about what was being said, but about what was going on around you. As you engage in surface "chit-chat" with your direct superior, you should be scanning the room to see who's been talking to who, and select the big-wig you will attempt to chat up momentarily. Once you've located him or her, keep nodding appropriately at your bosses vacuous recounting of his child's recital or what have you, but in your mind, begin preparing the opening lines of your anticipated conversation with the chosen executive. 

Some good opening lines I've used or seen are: "Lisa, do you have a minute? I wanted to get your opinion on ____." And "Frank, I read this article in the Times yesterday concerning _____ and I couldn't help but wonder what you thought. Have you read it?" The blanks should always be filled in with something Non-Work related, but tailored to that individuals interests. You want to engage in personal conversation at this time, showing that you know them better than they thought.

Some very poor lines that I've recently heard, orbit the region of: "Tom you old dandy, you still putting from the rough?" And "Hey Mark, I got wrecked last night watching Monday Night Raw, and I thought of you." Remember, these senior staff members are not your "bro's", and they expect to be treated with a certain amount of adoration, even if you both know it's fake.

Once you've got your opening line or two (and you better make sure it sounds natural), conveniently and politely excuse yourself from your boss, and carefully make your way over to the intended target. Don't be shy, approach confidently but not overbearingly. Try to walk a direct, straight line towards them, so that they know you're coming and can settle on their own manner before you arrive. Surprising an executive is like smacking a sleeping Lion's ass. Always stick your hand out first, and give a firm hand shake. This is a sign of confidence and respect. 

It's important that you peak the exec's interest as quickly as possible, and you must constantly be assessing your performance moment to moment. If you see their eyes wander, it's a good bet their mind is as well. Adjust your approach, and reel them back in as quickly and smoothly as possible. If all else fails, simply ask how they have been doing, and agree with them whole-heartedly when they say "busy." That should give you a few moments to reset yourself, but do not fall into the trap of creating a dreaded "awkward silence." You have to expect that they will give you one-word answers to all of your questions, so always have the next topic ready to go, until you finally touch upon something that interests them. Once you're there, it's smooth sailing. Your peers will acknowledge that you have grasped the attention of, and entertained an executive, and this will cause great envy in them. You're now on the road to alienating the common man, and hopefully gaining entrance into the "Big Boys Club." Once you master the art of casual condescension, you're only a promotion away from glory.

Eventually the meeting will begin, and chances are, you won't say a thing. If you are called upon, remember the 5 B's. "Be Brief Brother, Be Brief." A concise, well worded answer will blow the shit out of a grandiose speech any day. It's better to be thought of as a simple "answers man," than a windbag. If there's ever a chance to make people laugh in a polite and respectful manner, take the opportunity and bask in its glory. Appropriate, witty humor is always appreciated by the upper echelon, and it will again inspire the envy of your peers in the form of a "why didn't I think of that" feeling.

It's a dance, as most things are these days. Being too direct unfortunately, just doesn't work. The big cats want you to play the game with them, because it shows them that you know how, and are willing to play ball. They're always looking for good actors (aka phonies) to join their ranks and perpetuate the atmosphere of unapproachability. They like to keep you guessing. They don't want you to know they like you (if they do), and they don't want you to know if they don't. They want you to adore them. Not just look up to them, but in a sense fear them. They want you to think that they are powerful, because inside they feel inadequate. It is your job to build up a false sense of confidence and pride in them, so they can continue to beat you down and pay you meagerly. This is the game, and the hope is that one day you will be in their shoes, creating confusion, fear, and panic in the lower ranks of your own department. 


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

SOD: Dire Straits "On Every Street"

A great song, and a great album. It was Dire Straits 6th and final studio album, released in 1991. Mark Knopfler wrote all the songs himself, and they were something to behold. It came 6 years after Brothers In Arms (their last release), and was not received as well as it's predecesor critically. Though it did sell over 8 million copies (the vast majority in Europe).

The track list is chock full of singles, as 6 were released. "Calling Elvis" was over 6 minutes  but still got a video. It was a clever little idea supposing Elvis might still actually be alive. "Heavy Fuel" was another single that stuck with me, as it was a very catchy but precise rock n' roll tune. "Iron Hand" was a sort of overtly produced-folk song, which in itself is somewhat of an oxymoron, but I still found myself enjoying its simple but relatable music and lyrics. And "Planet of New Orleans" was like nothing I had heard before, seeing that I was only 8 years old, I think that's to be expected. I don't think I really understood it at the time.

But I remember the album very well, because my parents owned the cassette, and I used to take it and play it constantly on this old yellow portable mini-boom box like contraption. The song "On Every Street" was the standout track on this album, no question. I know my father would agree. It starts out with a quiet, almost desperate longing.


There's gotta be a record of you some place, 
you gotta be on somebody's books
The lowdown, a picture of your face
Your injured looks


The sacred and profane
The pleasure and the pain
Somewhere your fingerprints remain concrete.


And it's your face, I'm looking for
On every street.

It's a powerful beginning. There's little music to get in the way of those lyrics, and they sit like an arrow in the gut. Chris White provides some extremely physical saxophone throughout, and the song builds ever so subtly, until the original melody is taken by the guitar around 2:50, and the heartbeat of the song suddenly picks up. And a slight high-hat on the 2 and 4 enters and drives the song a lot more than you'd expect. It's a foreshadowing of what's to come, because once you hit the drum fill, there's no going back. And the next thing you know, you find yourself diving headlong into an explosive outro of sincere power and force. It turns you inside out. The perfect ending to the journey of a song.

Dire Straits - On Every Street

Blind Willie McTell (by Bob Dylan)

This song's been covered many times. Personally, I like the ripe, soulful, country voice of Levon Helm's verses in The Band's version of this song. Though they all do a good job. It takes you away to a time and place, much like a good book can. There's an authenticity to Levon's style that makes you feel like you're hearing the story first hand. I was also fortunate enough to hear the Allman Brothers Band play it (who also famously cover a Blind Willie McTell original, "Statesboro Blues") this year at the Beacon. Hell of a version. But as with many songs that have been covered and performed many times over, we tend to forget who originally wrote them. And many times the answer to that question, no matter who is covering the song, is Bob Dylan.

I'm not going to get into a discussion concerning Bob Dylan right now because they'll run out of electronic paper long before I'm done, but I will say that this song is a phenomenal example of his ability to tell a captivating story lyrically, and pair that with the perfect kind of musical arrangement. Originally, this song was intended to be included on the album Infidels from 1983. A great album in it's own right (in my opinion), but if this song had been included on it, well, I think it would have been propelled much higher in the ranks.

The melody is based off the song "St. James Infirmary Blues,"which is loosely based off of an 18th century traditional English folk song called "The Unfortunate Rake" (among other titles). I listened to the song, and I have to admit, most of these english folk songs sound the same to me. Maybe its their somber vocal nature and similar accompaniments, but it's hard for me to tell one apart from the other. Nonetheless, it's interesting to see where Dylan pulls his inspiration and ideas from. Why not go back to a largely excluded style of music that perfectly conveys the type of emotion you're going for. 

Further to the musical aspect of the song, the best players in the business were available to record this song with Dylan, as they were called in for the Infidels album. The premiere rhythm duo Sly and Robbie (Sly Dunbar on drums and Robbie Shakespeare on bass) were there. Mick Taylor, the Rolling Stones lead guitarist from 1969-74 was present (I also happen to think he was the best guitarist, skill wise, the Stones ever had). Mark Knopfler and Alan Clark of Dire Straits fame were also involved with the album. So Dylan had quite a few choices. For Blind Willie McTell, Dylan decided that he would play the black and whites, while Mark Knopfler sat down with the 12-string guitar, Blind Willie's instrument of choice. Together they created a moving melody, that any lyrics would have benefited from. 

But it wasn't just any lyrics that were put to this song. This song was given that lyrical touch that Dylan was famous for, though it was at a time when things were changing in his music and obviously in the world (the 1980's are by far the oddest decade. Ever). Each verse ends with same line, drilling it into the heart and mind: "Nobody can sing the blues, like Blind Willie McTell." It reads simple enough, but when you hear that refrain over and over through the song, its really starts to mean something more than the words themselves. 

So I've decided I'd like to just post the lyrics of this song, sans music today. Why? Well when you have to read the lyrics without any distractions or music to frame them in, I think you can understand the actual words a bit better. And granted, the music gives this song life, but just look at these lyrics and tell me you're not immersed in the story. I dare you. 

I also must point out one last thing that I think is very important. This song was not released on an album. It was recorded for Infidels in 1983, but was only heard when bootleggers released the outtakes from that album, and when it was officially released 8 years later on the album The Bootleg Series Volumes 1-3 (Rare & Unreleased) 1961-1991. When it was finally out there, the song was compared to the best of Dylan's creations like Tangled Up In Blue and Watchtower. To think that this song was never actually intended for a release, and was most likely a demo of some kind is amazing. Dylan only started playing the song live because he heard The Band doing it!  He actually said that the song that was released was never really completed (could have fooled me). This is an amazing insight into Dylan himself, because we're given an opportunity to view his work at an unfinished stage. To think where it could have gone. Well to be frank, I'm not all that interested. I'm thrilled to have the version as is. 

Blind Willie McTell

(verse 1)
Seen the arrow on the doorpost
Saying "This land is condemned
All the way from New Orleans
To Jerusalem."

I traveled through East Texas
Where many martyrs fell
And I know no one can sing the blues
Like Blind Willie McTell.

(verse 2)
Well, I heard that hoot owl singing
As they were taking down the tents,
The stars above the barren trees
Were his only audience.

Them charcoal gypsy maidens
Can strut their feathers well,
But nobody can sing the blues
Like Blind Willie McTell.

(verse 3)
See them big plantations burning,
Hear the cracking of the whips,
Smell that sweet magnolia blooming,
See the ghosts of slavery ships.

I can hear them tribes a-moaning,
(I can) Hear the undertaker's bell,
(yeah) Nobody can sing the blues
Like Blind Willie McTell

(verse 4)
There's a woman by the river
With some fine young handsome man:
He's dressed up like a squire,
Bootlegged whiskey in his hand.

There's a chain gang on the highway,
I can hear them rebels yell
And I know no one can sing the blues
Like Blind Willie McTell

(verse 5)
Well, God is in Heaven
And we all want what's his,
But power and greed and corruptible seed
Seem to be all that there is.

I'm gazing out the window
Of the St. James Hotel
And I know no one an sing the blues
Like Blind Willie McTell

And if you want to hear the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxNcRT06WgM

This is THE BAND's version, off their 8th studio album called Jericho. The album is truly a collage of musicians, songs, and styles. One not to be missed.

Unfortunately, it's quite difficult to find the Dylan version online, so you're going to have to do your due diligence if you're really interested.

Monday, March 19, 2012

"BLAGO"

The media plays a funny game. The media actually plays a lot of funny games, but the one I'm referring to is the habit of deciding when stories end. We don't question it, we just assume the story must be over because the news is no longer covering it. But most stories don't ever really end. They just become uninteresting, or too much work to keep up with. So at that point, the media decides to wrap the story up somehow in a neat little box, with a perfect bow. And we accept this.

The only reason I mention this is because I was thinking about Rod Blagojevich, and essentially wondering, what happens to him now? Similarly with Madoff as well, once convicted and shipped off to prison, the story creates a neat little ending for everyone, as though prison is simply the be all end all. And granted, prison is very final, in the sense that it will be more than a decade before Blago is released back into the general public. But prison has always kind of fascinated me. I watched "Oz". It was awesome. I don't think that's what prison is really like, but short of going there i've always been curious about the experience people have, and the society behind those walls. 

The former governor of Illinois is sentenced to 14 years in prison for trying to sell his seat. How does a guy like that get treated in the joint? A guy who helped shape a city, state, and country, now confined to a 9x9 cell (or whatever it is). Do the other inmates respect him? Or do they hate him, as he was an elected official to the government which put them in their own cage? Blago is in a minimum security prison, which must change the dynamics quite drastically. He wont be running into murderers and violent criminals. No, he gets stuck with more white collar, high society fuck-ups. 

And I wonder what tax money pays for this guy to do all day. He probably has nicer amenities in that prison, than most of us do in our own buildings. Doorman, Maid service, kitchen staff, laundry, cable, activity. Christ, it almost sounds like a country club in there as many Minimum Security Prisons are compared to just that. So, I want to know more. I want to know what this guys doing now that he's living on the country's dime, supposedly being "reformed." 

I would guess that he most certainly hasn't learned his "lesson" (if there even is one). He's still proclaiming innocence, and in the back of his mind, he's probably just downright pissed he got caught. Everyone on the hill and beyond in politics is scheming. Bending rules, perhaps breaking them, rewriting them, adjusting them, all for their own ends. This is nothing new. Blago was literally trying to sell a government seat to the highest bidder. He almost got away with it too. I wonder what others have gotten away with.

Nonetheless, I guess what I'm saying is the story isn't over for me. It's just a new chapter, though I doubt anyone will be recording it. If Bernie Madoff isn't even mentioned anymore except through current stories about Fred Wilpon and the Mets, do you think anyones going to talk about Blago now? Nobody cares. Out of sight, out of mind. He's being punished for his sins, and its easy for us to just accept that and move on. But I can't help but wonder if he really is. 

I don't know why I started thinking about this, but I did. How many other odd stories end with the slam of the prison door? It's almost as if the story is obligated to end there, because nobody really wants to go beyond that. It's just easier to close it up there, and take comfort in the fact that they "got what they deserve." Because it would really be too hard and consuming to see if they really did get what they deserve. Because I dont know. I dont think anyone really does, because nobody goes in there and finds out how the guys eating, sleeping, and shitting. The harsher side of me hopes not well, not much, and in fear.

SOD: The Wood Brothers "When I Was You"

This song sets the standard for this week. It's off the Wood Brothers newest album, which I'm ashamed to say I've only recently listened to for the first time (as in, this past weekend). You see, music has become as much about production, as it has the notes people play and the lyrics they sing. Steely Dan, an all-time favorite duo of mine, is one kind of sound live, and a completely different one on the album. Most of their albums had contributions from 30+ musicians or so. Each song was produced to absolute perfection. And you can hear it when you listen to it. It's mastered to a tee. There's something to be said for that kind of production, absolutely. It works for Steely Dan. They're not playing down and dirty country or blues, or stripped down rock n roll. They were eclectic in their style, and precise with just about everything. A very produced sound was called for. But such is not with the case with the Wood Bros., and I have to say, it's refreshing to hear new music being made like this.


The Wood Brothers are another side of the story on what it takes to make an album sound good. To me, this is what the heart of music is about. You sit down with instruments in hand, you press record on whatever device you've chosen to record on, and you just go. And 5 minutes or so later when you're done, if it sounds anything like what the Wood Brothers have created here, then you know you're on track. To be able to sit down and play with that level of ease and create that sound without the assistance of any mechanized junk, is a mastery all its own. It's got life. It lives and breathes like an animal in the room for those 5 or so minutes. Its stirring, at least for me.  

Obviously, these guys are no strangers to the trade. Chris Wood (bass), played for the very experimental fusion group Medeski, Martin & Wood, whom I was introduced to in college by Phish-Head friends, but didn't really appreciate until later on. It can be a lot to digest at times, and I'm certainly no die hard fan. I wouldn't even say I'm versed enough in their music to be a fan. But I can appreciate what they were doing, and certainly the level of skill they played with. And Oliver played behind one of the best most consistent blues guitarists around, Tinsley Ellis (Speak No Evil is the only album I personally own, and it is the real deal). But the music that Chris Wood is playing now with his brother Oliver, is very different. There's no tricks in there to get the vocals to sound warmer or more inviting, or doubling up on tracks to attain a different sound. You can see it with your own eyes, just check out their site or youtube. The little inconsistencies are as much a part of this kind of music as the instruments itself. It's real. It sounds real, it feels real, and your reaction to it is VERY real, because you can hear and see it being made exactly as it is, right before your eyes. 

I loved these guys the moment I heard them. A good friend of mine (and my source and guru for all things music) introduced me to two amazing albums of theirs; "Ways Not To Lose"(2006, their first studio album) and  "Loaded" (2008).  And  I hope he doesn't mind the shout out, but since Matt put me on the path, I have not been able to stray from it, for even a day. He has a knack for finding sniffing out the real gems of Americana/Folk/Blues type music. And let me tell you, these guys are not to be overlooked. The first track that I listened to was "Luckiest Man" (off the album Ways Not To Lose). There's a video of the Wood Brothers playing this track in a stairwell, that sounds better than most professional studio recordings I've hard recently(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYY1T7BYd9U). Oliver Wood's voice was so original and raw through the whole album, I was sold simply at that. Add in the vocal harmonies and the surging bass lines and the authenticity of the sound is stiking. But the subtle way the instruments compliment Olivers vocals is amazing. As simplistic as it can be at times (being that its so stripped down), I hear something different or new every time I listen to the album. There's a lot more there than I originally thought, and you can never take it all in at once (that's true of any album). It has great balance, and it didn't take any over-production to get there. And as much as I love the writing and fire that has returned to Bruce's writing on his new album, he should've taken a page out of the Wood Brothers book on recording and production. As Matt so poignantly put it, what business does Ron Aniello have producing a Bruce Album? For christs sake he did all the Lifehouse albums. Is something wrong with this picture (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Aniello)? But that's a whole other story, I can't even begin to dissect right now.

I don't care what you're used to listening to, give this a chance. If you don't take something out of it, I have to imagine you're void of any kind of musical emotionality. You see, contrary to the popular belief of much of our generation, all music does not have to get you out of your seat, fist-pumping. There's something to be said for this kind of music. The kind that has you tapping your foot, shaking your head, making faces that are some kind of cross between a pained smile and squint at the sun. Like I said, its as alive as you and I are, and if you see it live, it's literally sitting in the room, right next to you. It's tapping its foot, and nudging you with its elbow at the end of every song as if to say, "yea, that's what I'm talking about." 

For the New Yorkers with any interest, the Wood Brothers are playing tomorrow 3/20, at Bowery Ballroom, for less than $25. I have a good feeling about this one.  http://www.thewoodbrothers.com/

Acoustic Sessions at The Festy : The Wood Brothers "When I Was Young"

Friday, March 16, 2012

SOD: Thin Lizzy "Jailbreak"

Ireland has given us some great fuckin rock n' roll, among other genres. Van Morrison is a god, the Cranberries were a fad, and Thin Lizzy tracks are still party staples in my book. The country has given us Eire Apparent (one of the original Irish Rock bands who's best album was produced by Jimi Hendrix, who in turn they supported on tour in the US), The Pogues, Snow Patrol, Damien Rice, My Bloody Valentine, and of course, U fucking 2. And who could forget Sinead O'Connor? In the spirit of St. Patrick's day, today's SOD is real ripper, sure to get anyone out of the chair, and into the air. Let's get Nuckin Futs.

~THIN LIZZY~ JAILBREAK

Maewyn Succat

As far back as I care to remember, St. Patrick's day has been a viable excuse to do horrible damage to yourself and the immediate world around you. It's a day when it's acceptable, even expected, that a grown man wake up with a drink, dress like a fool, and parade through the streets switching between acts of belligerence and brotherly love. I mean, give the Irish any excuse and they'll do that normally, but on the day when "Everyone's Irish," things are taken to a new level. 

One of my greatest fears in life, living in New York City, is when St. Patrick's Day falls on a Saturday. The Bridge and Tunnel crowd is enormous, and exponentially more obnoxious. And I don't normally have some ripe beef with the B&T peoples, hey, NYC is for everyone. But on this un-holiest of days, that crowd is looking for trouble, and my city becomes a giant porcelain bowl to them. I often wonder when I see these lot of grown men and women, urinating on walls, vomiting in gutters, fighting with and screaming bloody murder at passerby's, if their proud of their actions the next day. Is it a conquest to be bragged about? "I had 16 shots of Jamo, pissed on 3 cars, puked in a green plastic hat, and kicked the shit out of a dwarf." Is it something they'd want their children (or hypothetical children) to learn about in the future? After all, we live in the age of information and documentation. There's pictures of everything.  

As I've said before, I have very little faith in people. I'm never shocked by what I see on St. Patrick's Day, but I'm always perturbed. How do we get to this point? Sadly, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I myself have not acted in this manner (I never hit a dwarf fo the record though). Maybe St. Patrick's Day brings some deep seeded animal out of our subconscious. Maybe we're all just looking for an excuse to act like we're in High School again. What I can tell you with a strong degree of certainty, is that when Maewyn Succat took his Christian name of Patricius, and went about spreading the good lord's word, he had absolutely no idea of what his actions would cause hundreds of years later. 

The Irish have a reputation for drinking. I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of that. No, I'm not stereotyping, I'm simply stating what's been said and seen many times over, and that which I've personally witnessed. In no way am I passing judgement. I'm just saying, hey, the Irish are drinkers. Give them their own worldwide holiday, and what exactly did you think was going to happen? First, they declare that everyone's Irish on this one day, that way it's acceptable for and expected that everyone get shitfaced. Ok. Then, we're going to have everyone dress in green, and wear the same crazy hats, and decals, and beads, to further enhance the spirit of "togetherness," and make it impossible for figures of authority to single any one person out. Check. We'll make the drinks half-priced, so people feel obligated to drink even more, and we'll blast music of the homeland to promote a nostalgic feeling, and eventually rile people up. 

Around 7pm, stragglers start to fade, and only the most hardcore are left out by around 9 or 10pm. Those are the people you steer clear of. If you're on the same side of the street, cross. If you can't, for gods sake don't make eye contact. If undecipherables are slung your way, do not react. Head down, one foot in front of the other, until you've made it to a brightly lit area where there are other sober-esque people. If you're a woman, don't travel alone. If you're a guy, don't let women travel alone. Treat it as a wartime like scenario. Marshall law is in effect, and you're out on the streets after curfew. The idea is to remain out of sight, and to make it to the safety of indoors as fast as possible. 

Another piece of advice: stay the hell away from that parade. If you can even call it that. It's more like a mob. Torches and pitchforks are the only things missing, the attitude is certainly there. Blood will spill. That thing will swallow you whole and never even know it. If you can view it from a high vantage point (i.e. and apartment building or office), then you can really see the debauchery. Razed land is all that's left once the mob has passed through. Now granted, I may be exaggerating a bit as I often tend to do, but that should not lessen the point. Some may call me old, or boring, or a pussy, or things far worse... but that matters little to me. Because come Sunday and Monday, I'll hear about all the casualties from my most trusted source for midtown news, "Roger," the Dunkin Donuts cashier (you know he gets one of those Americanized name tags because god forbid we actually learn foreign peoples real names). He's got his finger on the pulse of the city these days, and finds humor (much as I do) in the misfortunes of people who do stupid things.

So, when you're out on St. Patrick's Day this year, just keep your wits about you as best you can. From time to time, pause, and drink a seltzer (just ask the bar tender to put a lime in it and hold the straw. You're retarded friends will still think you're slugging vodka soda's and you won't lose any of your street cred). Have some lunch, food will not hurt you, it will only extend you're ability to drink well into the night. I recommend an Irish favorite, Corned Beef and cabbage. It's the one time of year I'll actually order it from the deli. The secrets in the mustard though, you have to have a good mustard to accompany that questionably colored meat. And above all people, remember, you're not all Irish, and when you wake up on Sunday, the cosmos will have moved on from this madness. The question is, will you be physically able to? Maybe I sound like the Grinch That Stole Irish Day, but somebody's gotta question the book on this one. 

Much love to the Irish (hey, I've got a tickle of it in me too), and stay classy out there people.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Reverse Cowgirl

The 224th episode of South Park aired last night, kicking off its 16th season. I still maintain that it is the best social commentary on television. Or maybe in entertainment today, I would say that is plausible. They're ability to truly break an idea down into simple parts, and reconstruct it in a manner that forces us to question things that we've accepted blindly, as truth within our lives, is unquestionably remarkable. To do that in 22 minutes is astounding. Creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the quintessential team. They've been working as a unit for over 20 years (since the short The Spirit of Christmas), and that in itself is a massive feat. Collaboration in artistic endeavors is difficult to maintain. Styles change, tastes change, people change. Look how difficult it is for bands to remain in tact. Do they argue? Sure. Fight? absolutely. But they remain together, and nothing comes in-between them. 

There was a great special on Comedy Central last year called "6 Days to Air: The Making of South Park." It showed the insane creative process these guys go through to crank out an episode only a week before its air date. They want to stay as fresh as possible. Theirs nobody out there doing anything like that on this scale. The special revolves around the "Human Cent-Ipad," creating a mockery of a film my company released and worked on called, "The Human Centipede II." If you haven't heard of it, you're lucky. Nonetheless, the special really conveys how everyone on the South Park production is a professional. They work long, hard, hours. And when they need to, quickly and efficiently. They love the guys they work for it seemed, and that makes all the difference at the end of the day. It certainly does for me.

(SPOILER ALERT)  Last night's season premiere is a perfect example of you're run-of-the mill type episode. When there's not something immediately at the forefront of the news on any given week, they'll pickup on something seemingly common, and dissect it in the funniest, but most honest way possible. This episode concerned the idea of women having the issue of potentially falling into the toilet, when the toilet seat is left up. Clyde's mother dies in a rather awkward but hilarious way because her son does not take her words about putting the toilet seat down to heart. As she falls in she accidentally flushes at the same time, creating a pressure vacuum which will ultimately suck her insides out and kill her. Ridiculous? Obviously. Hilarious? Depends on your sense of humor. But all this leads to a serious debate that engulfs the town. The men take the position that it is very easy for women to check and see that the seat is down, before they go plopping their asses in an open hole, and the women argue that it takes no time at all for men to simply put the seat down when finished. A classic and timeless debate! Well the story goes on from there, and in 22 minutes they somehow involve the TSA (who comes in and regulates all toilet bowl usage), toilet seat-belts, suing spirits (namely Sir John Harrington, inventor of the modern toilet), and it all gets resolved with the "Reverse Cowgirl." What's that? Oh, it's simply the fact that all these years, we've been using the toilet backwards! You're supposed to sit on it facing forwards, so the flusher is conveniently placed in front of your left arm, and thus you have a tray to lay your magazines and incidentals on while you relieve yourself. Plus, you can never fall in that way, or not notice that the toilet seat is up!

Yes, it's silly. And yes, it can be very crude. But it can also be thought provoking, and pretty freakin' witty. In one episode they managed to point out the ridiculous nature of the TSA and what it has be come, and take a dig at the toilet bowl, forcing us to see it from a different, well...position? 

I stand by South Park no matter what anyone says, and I think their creators are brilliant. If you haven't given the show a chance, then you're potentially missing one of the best and smartest shows out there (I'd recommend watching the "Imaginationland Trilogy" to start with, and then possibly moving on to "The Death of Camp Tolerance" off the top of my head). It's nothing like it was when it began, and truly was a kids show with toilet humor and shitty animation. And I even liked it back then! It's developed into a whole different kind of beat these days, with drastic improvements on all fronts. Here's to another 16 seasons guys.