Bad Puppy.

Recently, I saw a special on National Geographic called "Blue Collar Dogs." Being a dog lover and one time handler of the animals myself, I was not surprised by the fascinating things these animals can do. And everyone knows a working dog, is a healthy dog. At least mentally that is. You see, it's the nature of a pack animal to want to please and seek approval from a "Master." In the wild, that is naturally the alpha, but in domesticated animals, it is their primary owner/handler. So essentially, if you have trained and raised your animal properly, it should have an innate drive to please you. Simple enough idea, no?

Some of the dogs on this special held very interesting jobs. Jobs that many people I know could never hope to have the capacity to undertake. One dog worked in a hospital lab as a "Cancer Detecting Agent." The dog literally sniffed samples of peoples urine and breath all day, and with 100% accuracy could tell which of the patients had cancer in its earliest stage. Their olfactory system can be up to 1 million times more sensitive than a humans. That sounds like more of a curse than anything, especially if you live in New York City. There were police dogs, military dogs, dogs for the handicapped and so on. Labs, Retrievers, and German Shepherds were certainly the most common. 

And they were all good looking dogs. Strong and proud to serve. They were the pinnacle of human domestication and breeding. You could see the direct resemblance to the wolf, and even sense that if a fight were to take place between them, they might just stand a chance in hell against their wild counterpart. Be it even a small one.

But then I was late for work, so I finished my 'gurt, hit the tube, and made for the elevator. And it was there, 20+ floors up, that I came face to face with my biggest Pet Peeve. And believe me when I tell you, it is a PET peeve: People with badly behaved animals. 

You see, children are one thing. They're not quick to adapt, fast to learn, or all that intelligent. Just like their parents. I can understand if a kid gets, well, raucous at times (heck, adults may do it even more so). I myself was the perfect child so I don't know first hand, but I can imagine. And I don't enjoy being around a badly behaved kid, but I somehow find it more understandable. I have little faith in human beings. We're a proud parody of ourselves. We're supposed to be the smartest things on the planet? Is that a joke? But I digress.

Badly behaved dogs, are a clear indicator of a lazy, useless, irresponsible, and criminal owner. Yes, I said criminal. You are depriving the animal of a healthy life, and that is cruelty by my standard. Its actually harder to have a bad dog than it is to have a good dog. Dogs want to learn, remember? There one goal in life is to please you! I bet you that doesn't even fall into the top 3 on your significant others TO DO list. It's nicely pre-packaged into the dogs nature. Unless you own one of these bullshit handbag dogs or one of these poor creatures we've created through selective breeding who's nose is halfway inside its skull, and it can't breath without sucking in half its upper lip. If you own one of those, then we're not going to be able to communicate on a productive level about most things in life, so you may as well just terminate any contact you've had or were planning to have with me. 

Be that as it may, for those people out there who own a real dog, please god, train the fucking thing. They need it. You need it. Your animal should not be dragging you around, or pouncing on peoples being, or destroying your home in the form of an itinerant piss and shit machine. Literally put a leash on it. Take it outside. Use positive reinforcement with praise and treats and what have you. And one should not fear using forms of positive punishment, because often when a dog misbehaves, he is looking to upstage the alpha in a bid for power. Those actions must be handled quickly and swiftly for the benefit of both of you, lest you'd like to be a slave to the four-legged beast. Love your animal. Let other people love your animal, and be proud when they tell you what a well-behaved mutt you have. That's proof of a healthy relationship for both of you. Healthier than most marriages I'd like to point out. 

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